December A Month To Remember Loss of Loved Ones That Died By Suicide
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Dear Editor,
December is a month to remember the loss of loved ones that have died by suicide. Leading into the holiday season is a tough time for family and friends of loved ones that have passed away. All around they hear the excitement in children’s voices and anticipation of family gatherings that will share love, laughter and traditions. The problem isn’t with the holiday season; the problem is a nagging sadness in your hearts of missing a loved one that has taken their life. This loss doesn’t matter if it happened recently or many years ago, missing the loved one is a feeling you learn to live with, not get over. You may find yourself making their special dish, missing their laugh or watching them interact with other family member during a ritual football game, board game or story telling time. These are all normal and common experiences, but how do you get through it? There are a number of ways to incorporate your loved one and your loss into the holidays.
Don’t do more than you want to or that doesn’t serve your soul and your loss. Possibly one of the following will allow the time you need for your feelings and will involve letting others help you through your grief. These other ways can help externalize your loss by giving it a time and place and to avoid bottling up your feelings. Don’t forget including the children, they are too often the forgotten grievers.
A prayer before the Holiday dinner, about your loved one. Light a candle for your loved one. Create an online tribute for them. Share a favorite story about your loved one. Have everyone tell a funny story about your loved one. At your place of worship remember them in a prayer. Chat online about them. Do a random act of kindness in their name.
If none of these suggestions seem to fit your needs of helping lighten the loads of pain through the holiday season, have a Plan B. Text the HOPELINE #741741. The HOPELINE offers emotional support and resources for people that just need someone to express themselves too privately. This is not a hotline for a crisis or for people that are suicidal. It’s just a Wisconsin based resource that is free for anyone to text at any time to talk about whatever they are struggling with.
If you are not personally grieving, but know someone that is, but it feels too awkward to ask them if they need help. Just help. Find ways, invite them to a group event or just out for coffee any random act of kindness and inclusion will help lift their spirits if only for that moment. You can also text the HOPELINE #741741 and ask them for suggestions.
You can and will get through the holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid, it is the pain. Grief is the way out of the pain.
Susan Springer Judd,
Ridgeway
Suicide Prevention Coalition of Iowa County, WI
